Sonnet 87

Ah, that Paper Archives. Things I’ve written over the years that no eyes but mine have ever seen. Until now. I’ll usually post to the Paper Archives when I’m either a) blocked or b) completely tired and want to post something that makes me laugh or cringe each time I go back and read it.

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Not because of their crappy connections and overbearing presence. Nope. I hate them because of that goddamned commercial airing that shows a couple getting an AOL CD, adding it to their wall art, and then getting lectured by Jerry Stiller. He makes a joke at the expense of a rapper (yes, I know it’s Snoop Dog), who promptly appears and says, “Wait just one minizzle.”

????

What the fuck is a minizzle?

Hmm, let’s look in the OED . . . not there. Hell, let’s look in the MED (Middle English Dictionary), maybe it’s an old form of “minute” . . . hmm, nothing there, either. Gee, maybe I can’t find it because . . .

The goddamned word doesn’t exist!!!!!

However, it’s in the Urban Dictionary. Like that counts for anything. Before anyone gets smart with me, it doesn’t. Why? Because the people making up these words and phrases probably have nil education in the development, structure, and change in the English language. Bastard that the language is, that doesn’t give anyone the right to slaughter it in the name of “culture.”

Bull. Bullshit. You learn it before you play with it, that’s my beef. If I find out that Snoop Dog has a PhD in linguistics and knows how to read Old English, I take it all back. Why in God’s name do you think I can tolerate J.R.R. Tolkien? That’s right, the man knew his stuff. Granted, I don’t enjoy his work, but I respect his work because he knew the background necessary to make it work.

AOL pisses me off for allowing the distribution of something so stupid on such a wide scale. Maybe, thanks to AOL, Jerry Stiller, and Snoop Dog, kids will be saying “minizzle” instead of sticking with the proper “minute.” Thanks, idiots.

You don’t just make up new words that have no etymological reasoning behind them. How do you make the leap from “minute” to “minizzle?” You don’t logically. You do if you’re just trying to be stupidly creative. Besides spelling variations, the basic word has always been “minute.” Gah!!!!

I hate that commercial.