“I’m Not Crazy, I’m Just a Little Unwell . . .”
I hate cell phones. Even though I own one (one that I “forgot” in Utah – no, kidding, I really did forget it), I don’t like to use it much. I have it for road emergencies and that’s it. I turn it off whenever I enter a theater, a library, or any other place that demands quiet. Were I churchgoing, I’d definitely turn it off then, too. It just wouldn’t be cool to interrupt the priest while he’s blessing the Host, you know? Especially not with a Matchbox Twenty ring tone.
Churches in Mexico, however, have found a solution. As evidenced by this CNN article, they’ve turned to technology so the Word of God can be heard, not drowned out by ring tones.
The funniest part of the article is this quote: “Those who bring cell phones to church are not committed to God,” Escobedo said. “It’s very distracting to be praying and suddenly hear birds chirping or techno music.”
I can just imagine Margarita Escobedo, her head bowed in prayer, a rebozo covering her shiny black hair. Right as she’s about to start an Ave Maria, a cell phone rings. Her reverie is broken. And she damns the culprit to hell.
Note to self: Moral superiority and proximity to Godliness is not letting a cell phone ring in church. Bow before me, inferiors! Never mind my phone never rings in church because I never go, but ah, going on . . .
However, given the prevalence of cell phones around the world, I’m pretty sure that God has His/Her own PDA/cell phone/picture phone combo. Lighten up, Margarita Escobedo. You never know, it might be God’s phone ringing! And it’s Jesus, needing to be picked up from hockey practice.
Jesus: Da-aad! You were supposed to pick me up twenty mintutes ago!
God: I know son, but I got stuck in traffic and then nearly had my Honda Civic totalled when some jerkass with a Bush/Cheney bumper sticker blew through a red light. We’ll see about that!
Cut to Jesus waiting on the sidewalk, looking over and seeing a Honda Civic just like his dad’s; unfortunately, it’s a woman who looks exactly like God — but with long hair — singing “I am woman, hear me roar!”
You crack me up, V. :D
P.S. I’m quite sure God drives a Honda Civic Hybrid. ;)
I’ll be thinking about that all day in class now. If I start laughing during my Latin test it’ll be all your fault.
So what position does Jesus play? And what color is God’s Honda Civic Hybrid?
I’ll just revert to what we would say to each other when we were kids: You started it.
Jesus is a goaltender, but remember that he didn’t make the HHL. He’s in a heavenly minor hockey league, which is all well and good since the HHL is currently locked out by Gary Bettman’s great-great-great-great grandfather. The players want more cloud. The owners want to put a stop on cloud-hogging by greedy angels/saints/deceased hockey players.
God drives the light blue Honda Civic Hybrid. Goes with the sky, you know?