Numbers Are Not My Friends
I just spent the entire day looking a numbers. There is a reason, folks, that I went into words instead of anything to do with numbers. Words are nice. Numbers are not.
However, whatever conflicts I’m having with numbers at the moment, it’ll all be resolved by tomorrow. Then I will begin a new report in which I will do nothing but stare at numbers.
Why, oh why can’t I be editor of the Renaissance Quarterly? Why can’t I win the lottery? Then numbers would be my bestest friends ever.
If I had a million dollars (well, I want more), I’d be rich. But I wouldn’t buy Kraft dinner. Instead . . .
1) I’d pay off the mortgage on my parents’ house, help them re-decorate the house, then watch as they sold it. I’d provide them with some funds, then send them off to live in Mexico. They’d love it.
2) I’d pay off my student loans. Yahoo.
3) I’d set up a fund for each of my siblings, then cut them out of my life. Kidding. Sorry, M, you wouldn’t see apricot one until you were 21. They could use the money as they see fit, but if they waste it all, tough shit. Oh . . . who am I kidding?
4) I’d whisk IP away on a year-long vacation where it’s warm and there’s hiking and there’s no such thing as postdoctoral agony. I’d be his sugah-mama!
5) I’d take a trip to England and visit all the battle sites from the War of the Roses. Then I’d do the Shakespeare thing. Then I’d visit all the Renaissance castles that I could. Then I’d go over to Calais in France and declare it English territory. Then I’d run like hell.
6) I’d store away plenty of money for a rainy day.
7) I’d make sure to get a lawyer. I definitely have some relatives who’d like to get their grubby little hands on my money (and surprisingly enough, it wouldn’t be my California cousins!).
8) I would build a quaint little house for myself. I would decorate it in what can only be termed hockey-medieval-Renaissance-runner style.
9) I would buy a kick ass dog whose name would be Bludger. Yes, Bludger. One tough dog.
10) I would go swimming in my money like Scrooge McDuck. I’m sure it can be done, right?
Numbers are my friends. So are words. It’s people I seem to have my problems with….
Anyway, I think you’d need a lot more than a million dollars to put all your plans into action, but I must say I’m especially partial to #4.
(I actually kind of like #5, too, with the exception of the last sentence. I mean: what are you afraid of?)
Just remember, you’ve got to play to win.
Well, the assumption is that I’d have more than a million dollars. Like maybe the Powerball winnings! :D I’m quoting the Barenaked Ladies song there, though.
I thought you’d like #4. I suppose you’re right about the last sentence in #5 – however, I still need to run that day, so might as well do it then. ;)
Sweet, sweet internet! I couldn’t log on all day!
I should play. I keep on saying that, but I never remember when I’m at the store.