On 26
I have exactly one week left as 26-year-old. Rather than reflect and plan for Year 27 next week (when I won’t have time), I’ll do that tonight:
The first question I always ask myself is this: Did I learn anything? Well . . . no, to be honest. The past two years haven’t been kind when it comes to imparting bits of wisdom to store away and use in the future. Very little has challenged me, except for my own frustration. While I can grow from that, it’s a slow process and one that I don’t appreciate after having spent two years stuck pretty much in a rut. Not so much emotionally, but professionally, I would say. While I can flourish with friends and family, I still feel as if my career is waiting to happen. When I started my job in March of 2004, I thought I had stepped to the right path of learning, growing, and transforming myself into an adult. I honestly believed that I would be able to take the knowledge gained from this experience and utilize it to move forward in life. Now, though, I sometimes think that this job is like any other administrative position I’ve had – I’ve learned nothing in terms of expanding my own abilities. I don’t believe my company sees me as an employee who contributes to the image of the company; they see me as a bee who does really great work, but who doesn’t need to be show appreciation (i.e., a raise). While the job has given me the opportunity to put down "new" skills on my resume, it’s something I could’ve done before this position, but only in an academic capacity. It’s given a sort of legitimacy to the overall package that is me, but other than that, it really hasn’t challenged me. I was sifting through my assignment today, working inexorably towards its end, thinking to myself: "I am so over the novelty of this job. I do nothing that challenges me as a word geek; I do nothing that develops my writing; I do a whole lot of nothing." When you lose the gem of the idea that your product is important, you lose your enthusiasm. I was hoping to learn so much more this past year, but it hasn’t happened.
And I am so tired, so very tired, of having to watch TV every single day. So. Very. Tired.
My second question for myself is this: Am I bit clearer on what I want to do next? Yes, that’s decidedly true. Even with the disappointment that is my everyday, I do have a goal I’m working towards, and working hard towards. I enjoy breaking out of the shell that is my current situation and writing a cover letter, marshaling all of my creative resources to hopefully engage a human resource manager or a supervising editor.
My third question leads naturally from my second: What is it that I want to do next? As I search for new positions, I’m keeping an eye out for positions that benefit not other business corporations, but that benefit the community. I don’t enjoy working as the face of a social service entity (which I’ve done before), but I do enjoy working behind the scenes on social issues. I’ve never been terribly active save for donations and letters to political figures, but I figure now is the time to jump in feet first. I genuinely want to take my skills – marketing techniques (the only really new thing my job has imparted on me), writing for an audience, and my keen eye for editing (before anyone snarks, I don’t edit this website carefully) – and use them to bring important issues to the fore. I’ve been applying like mad to various nonprofits. Although I’ve spent an overwhelming amount of time in the business world, I would like to transition to something a little more people-focused. I would like to break out of my professional shell, out of my own personal shyness, to help make a difference.
The biggest difference between Year 26 and Year 27? I’m trying to make something happen. With the help of a few special people, I’m trying to kick inertia’s tail and make the best out of what I can do and who I am.
Personally, I have very little to complain about, really. I have a wonderful family who, although they could be a bit quieter when I’m trying to work, loves me and lets me know it every single day. I have a new set of friends from my work who are everything adult friends should be – funny, kind, helpful, and supportive. My old friends are still nearby, and even though we’re not as close as we used to be, it’s nice to have people who know me from way back in the day. I have a wonderful boyfriend who can make me laugh even when I’m sobbing like a small child and who is always there for me no matter how alone I feel. I have, in short, a very rich personal life and you will never find me wishing for another family, other friends, another boyfriend.
Even as a strive to develop professionally, I am very fulfilled personally. At the end of the day, no matter how much yellow flags tick me off, I have everyone I mentioned there for me. So what can I say?
Yay. And bring on Year 27.
