Ho-Hum

I have returned to the land of Michigan, having successfully pulled off another boss-dupe, interviewed for a job that would be very busy but rewarding mentally and financially, seen the boyfriend and bought him sangria (though nothing beats Dominick’s . . . sigh), toured a couple of museums, and was buffetted by winds that would sometimes push me a foot or two forward.

A huge part of me is really bummed to be back, and I admit that I’m feeling it more acutely than the other three times that I’ve been to the boyfriend’s city. I’m in a sit-and-wait posture, hoping that one of the two jobs I’ve interviewed for offers me something. Of course, seeing as how it’s 10:15pm on the Monday after my interview, I’m not going to here anything within the next couple of days, but I can feel impatience already itching at me. And that, I must say, is stupid. It’s probably aggravated by my exhaustion from the weekend and my wanting the long-distance relationship deal to end soon. As I complained tearfully to my boyfriend, I sometimes find it so unfair that we’ve been unable to be in the same place for the majority of our relationship (note: I calculate about 10 months of a local relationship–we’re going on four years together). I can do it, hell yes, and I’ll keep on doing it as long as I have to, and I wouldn’t trade any of this for the world, but I think the thought wore on me today, what with my departure and the tense wait any job interview incurs. All day, all I thought about was the unfairness of it all, and I think it was reflected in my quiet demeanor the entire morning and afternoon. So not only am I pissed at the prolonged distance, but I’m pissed at myself for being such a wet blanket the majority of the day. Blah.

So I sit here, knowing I have to go to sleep, a smidgen of hope still radiating within me, but another part of me desperately upset that I have to go back to Dyn-o-mite tomorrow. I’m ecstatic at having spent a few great days with my boyfriend, but sad that here I sit, in Michigan, while he’s miles away. There’s a lot of good yet to happen, and I can’t lose sight of that, but oh how I wish I could calm the urgency to leave just a little bit, at least until it’s actually time to leave.

I think I might have to take Nyquil tonight.