Sonnet 87

I am so tired. But I am so excited. I cannot begin to describe how much I’m looking forward to being on my own, beginning a wonderful career, and learning the ins and outs of a new city. It’s also a wonderful chance to make new friends and colleagues. It’s also, of course, and last but not least, the opportunity for my boyfriend and me to see how we are when we’re living in the same place. We’ve endured a lot of time and distance, and I’m really grateful that it’s almost time to be in close proximity to one another for the first time in two years. We won’t be attached at the hip, but it’ll be so nice to say, “Hey, let’s go out on Saturday” without having to catch a plane away a day or two later.

I want so badly to do well in my new job. I really want to work hard, excel, and impress my new company. I have a great feeling about it all, contrary to the feelings of creeping dread that I felt in my previous two full-time jobs (I didn’t feel dread for my part-time job–it became a hassle, but I think it had to do more with environment than the actual work, and besides, I knew that it was temporary given I was limited to a certain number of hours). My first job out of college, which relates well to my new job, I really enjoyed and had to leave only because I was going to a master’s program. It’s odd to find myself back in that line of business given my focus on English since departing my first job out of college, but I welcome it because I think it has the potential to open a lot of doors for me. We’ll see what happens, but I am really enthusiastic about doing well and exceeding expectations.

I cannot wait to have my own space. I’m leaning strongly towards a studio/efficiency only because filling up a one-bedroom apartment is difficult, and I might fall into the trap of trying to fill it up all at once (which would be foolish and expensive). I also believe I could make use of a space like that quite well. I’ll save a bit of money if I live in a studio/efficiency, which will be nice as I try to get on my feet in Blankety-Blank (boy, I’m lame). Of course, nothing is decided and I still need to see the spaces, but I can’t wait to have my own apartment. Y-a-a-a-a-a-y.

Of course, I’m also a bit sad. I adore my family, and it didn’t hit me until today that I’m going to be leaving them. I’m relieved to feel that I’m doing the right thing and that I’m excited to do this, but I also expected to be sad. I’ve pretty much stayed on the calm side of sad, but right now, as I alternatively pack and write, I have to admit I’m kind of crying. There is no question that I want to do this, and I can readily admit that doing things for “the last time” has been fun, but I love them, so it’s naturally going to sting a bit.

The only hurdle left to tackle is tomorrow. I already know for a fact that our accountant does not know I’m leaving, and she should’ve been the first informed in order to process my final paycheck correctly. I typed up a letter to the accountant and junior accountant, just in case my boss is typically disorganized and does not tell them what the deal is (vacation for the second week, some vacation time left over). I need to turn in all of my equipment, which has been packed up and ready to be loaded into an Explorer. Then, I must finish packing, run to the post office, and voila! I should be ready for Saturday.

Maybe.