Go to Hell, You Earbud Headphones Stealing Metro Center Ass!
Actually, what I want to say to the person who saw it fit to take my headphones is fuck you.
Do you know how much those things are to replace? Do you? Do you know how fucking hard I’ve worked the past three weeks, and when all I want to do is get home, and listen to some music while I’m getting home, you taking advantage of the fact that my headphones snagged on somebody’s bag and stealing my fucking earbuds really fucking pisses me off? Do you? Do you also know that Apple doesn’t sell the original headphones on their own, so I will have to buy some souped-up version that will not be as good? Do you? Do you know that you’re an asshole for stealing that one little piece just because you could? Fuck you, you fucking fucker. I hope the headphones trip you somehow on your way home or while you’re at home. I worked my ass off for those headphones–I worked at fucking Dyn-o-mite! to pay for those. Do you know what kind of pain is involved with that? No, you little sniveling excuse of a commuter! So go to hell, you lame-ass, sad, pathetic excuse for a human being that (yes, that–to me, you’re a thing, so you don’t deserve a who) must steal a set of headphones just because they’re there. I hope the headphones refuse to work for you since they are separated from me, their wonderful, rightful owner. It’s like when the headmaster’s office sealed itself against Dolores Umbridge–it’s not right, so it’s not happening.
So, as a parting gift, I’ll say fuck you again. Fuck, fuck, fuck you.
Good-fucking-night.
Why doesn’t Apple sell replacement headphones? By the way, this reminds me of Bruce McCollough’s rant to the guy who stole his bicycle’s front tire on Kids in the Hall. Remember?
Happy Birthday! Love you!
What a jackass. That’s stupid that Apple doesn’t sell replacements, it’s one of the their many flaws (another being the production of Macs).
Agreed, Mathgeek!
Dorkus: I read that skit last night after you mentioned it. It really is quite similar. Maybe I remembered it subconsciously? :D