And Now, the Moment You’ve Been Semi-Waiting For, the Vacation Post That Will Lead to My New Friend’s Introduction Post!

I’ve had difficulty chronicling the trip that IP and I took nearly three months ago for various reasons, but the biggest reason is that we do so much in the course of the week that it’s very hard for me to self-edit myself. Ridiculous, I know, but that’s the predominant reason why I have not posted my trip, and why I have not introduced everyone to our new friend. Also, work has been nothing short of crazy. But this ends right here, right now.

In order to document the trip and its highlights, I will focus on the major hikes that IP and I traversed during our week out west. While there were a lot of little funny incidents that could be built into this, our story, I have to be practical—this needs to be documented and our friend needs to be introduced!

Please click on the thumbnails to get better views. The photographs were all taken by IP; my own photos are refusing to upload correctly. Why do you hate me, WordPress?

Zion Canyon National Park: Riverside Walk (2 miles) and Angel’s Landing (5 miles)

IP and I did the Riverside Walk twice—once on the first day we arrived at Zion, once on the second day at Zion after we had done Angel’s Landing. Riverside Walk, while very pretty with its hanging gardens of wildflowers and course following the Virgin River (get re-virginized!), the end of the Riverside Walk is a trek through the Narrows, which obviously has the Virgin River running through it. Now, if you have the proper shoes and are not carrying a backpack with a camera and a phone inside, I’m sure it’s a delightful hike through the rocky riverbed and water. The only things this hike did for me was get my butt wet and rip the soles of my Dockers sandals. “Overrated,” was what I grumbled to IP when we had finished this hike on the second day (we did not try to get to the Narrows the first day).

Angel’s Landing was a lot more challenging, fun, and it didn’t rip my sandals. We began this hike relatively early, after we had been infused with caffeine and a bagel with cream cheese. Angel’s Landing is considered a strenuous hike at Zion Canyon National Park, and the strenuous part isn’t really obvious until you get about half a mile away from the turnaround point. Preceding this point, you’ve got some lovely ascents, a set of 21 switchbacks lovingly called Walter’s Wiggles, and a nice sandy point where you rest; maybe think you’re done, until you see the warning sign. Psych!

The last half mile is quite challenging, but boy, is it fun. Chains to hang onto to hoist yourself up onto rocks, steep drop-offs that make the Zion shuttle buses look like toys and a wonderful view of the canyon and the Virgin River when you finally reach the summit of Angel’s Point. The last half mile can certainly be dangerous, and you definitely don’t want to be caught up there during a storm. However, it was a beautiful day, and IP and I lingered once we were at the top, taking photos of the plunge down to earth and basking in the mid-morning pleasantness of it all. We also got to listen to two blowhards go on and on about why women all suck. Someone recently got dumped, didn’t they? Oh yes, they did! Yes they did! And please, put on a shirt you doofus.

North Rim of Grand Canyon National Park: Transept Trail (3 miles)

We did a few small hikes at the North Rim before we were rained out, but the largest hike we did was the Transept Trail, which starts at the Visitors Center and has its turnaround point at the campground. At a higher elevation and still feeling the steep ascents and descents of the last half mile of Angel’s Point the day before, Transept Trail was hard on the both of us (but more on me, I believe). The altitude did get to me; I felt slightly dizzy and out of breath several times during the three miles. Various points afforded us wonderful views of the Grand Canyon, but all I could think of was not dying of altitude sickness. We also came across the famewhoriest deer in the history of the Grand Canyon, who stood around and fed on grass for about 10 minutes. During those 10 minutes, IP and I indulged its celebrity tendencies and photographed the animal continuously like the nature paparazzi that we so clearly are. We were the ones to finally move on, abandoning our tip-toeing and tromping off for the rest of our hike.

I have to say that, personally, I considered the North Rim to be a bit disappointing in terms of hiking. When we went for a ranger event, the ranger never showed; we were hit by a nasty thunderstorm that kept us in our rental car for about 45 minutes; I was overly tired from the day before and was pretty cranky (sorry, babe); we ended our day very early, too. The biggest highlight? Our new friend, who will be introduced in the next post!

Cedar Breaks National Monument: Wasatch Ramparts Trail (4 miles)

We had originally intended to do only the first half of this trail at Cedar Breaks, but were both feeling quite refreshed and ready for a bit more. At four miles, it wasn’t a huge challenge, although the altitude at Cedar Breaks can make it seem so. However, the problems I had experienced at the North Rim were nonexistent at Cedar Breaks. We came across at 1,600 year old tree, captured various vistas, squinted to make out the Grand Staircase, and enjoyed the cool weather and wooded hike. This is the hike that wasn’t challenging, but everything aligned right: perfect sky, perfect lake on the way up to Cedar Breaks, lots of evidence of volcanic activity to pique our interest, and that feeling of being away from everything thanks to this beautiful, serene place. Dear National Park Service: Can I live there?

Kolob Canyons at Zion Canyon National Park: Taylor Creek Trail (5 Miles)

This is a tizzy of a trail—well, you can’t really say trail because there is no actual trail embedded into the earth. We followed Taylor Creek (duh) on our way to the Double Arch Cove at the end of the trial. Along the way, we came across Larsen and Fife Cabins, though we completely missed Larsen on our way in. As I mentioned before, the trail was difficult to follow—about an hour and a half in, I was worried that we were no longer on the trail and were walking to our deaths by flash flooding. We pushed on, though, and were finally led to the Double Arch Cove. There, we wrote messages in the mud and enjoyed a granola bar in the cool shade of the cove. On our way back, we encountered hikers who looked as lost as we had felt, but there was relief in their eyes when they say us. “Is it worth it?” they asked hopefully. “Absolutely,” we answered with smiles. And here is where I’d insert a picture, but the only ones that are uploading correctly are IP’s, and for some odd reason, he doesn’t have any Taylor Creek Trail pictures.

Did I mention we saw a snake on this trail? Well, we did, but you ain’t seen nothing yet . . .

Bryce Canyon National Park: Fairyland Loop (8 Miles)

This is a stunning trail. At eight miles, it’s a considerable hike—be sure to take plenty of water and maybe something to snack on as you traverse your way down into the canyon and walk amongst the hoodoos, trees, arches, and windows that make up the land. The first five miles of the trail were pure delight. IP and I enjoyed the sights and sun, chattering almost non-stop as we made our way on the trail. While there were some ascents, there is nothing particularly difficult. If you can endure the distance, the terrain shouldn’t test you too much.

The last three miles, though? Oh, dear Lord. While walking along, listening to the delightful sound of a bird singing (and looking for that bird on the path), I hear the worst sound in the world: a horrible, horrible rattle. I screamed and jumped back into IP (I was leading the trail, as I did for the majority of the first miles). “What, what?” he asked, clearly oblivious to imminent death. “A rattler!” I chocked out, pointing. The snake obliged me at that point, warning us again to stay the fuck away. IP squinted, then saw the sucker. The snake was probably a good 10 feet away, but it was alarming—I had just been about to cross the dry wash where it had been lazying about. The snake advanced away from us, rattling all the while. “Want to take a picture?” IP asked, gamely putting down his backpack and getting his camera. I shook my head, eyes still firmly on the snake while IP clicked away. When the snake was finally gone, we moved forward cautiously (caution was the name of the game for the rest of the trip for me). IP later told me that the fear was apparent on my face for the rest of the hike (seeing a non-venomous snake along the way to the car didn’t help, either).

Goblin Valley State Park (No hike in particular, but about 3.5 miles of walking about done)

IP had been obsessed with Goblin Valley State Park ever since our first trip into Utah (October 2004) when we didn’t get a chance to see the state park. “You’re probably thinking, this better be damn good,” he told me cheerfully as we drove the deserted miles to the park, stopping to eat at a place called Blondie’s Restaurant along the way. And admittedly, I was thinking that, especially in light of the Bryce incident.

When we got out of the car at Goblin Valley, I immediately headed over to the “park creatures” feature and was obviously not surprised to see that rattlers were about (though a gal can hope, can’t she?). IP teased me a bit, but all he got in return was a tight smile and a semi-cheerful “shut up”. Do not taunt the woman scared witless.

While touring Goblin Valley (hugging myself tightly so that I was as small and unobtrusive and un-bitable as possible), we somehow ended up in a narrow canyon, and had to climb to get out. A little lizard zoomed past me, but I freaked—I screamed so loud I’m sure the ranger taking fees at the park entrance heard. IP calmed me down and helped me out the canyon. We walked around Goblin Valley for a while longer, but not before IP tried to zoom in on the source of my distress, attempting to help me get past it so that we could enjoy the rest of our vacation. All I could answer was it’s a snake; it can kill you; it was close; at the least, there’s usually a thick glass or a television signal separating me from the deadly snake. “But you’ve seen a rattler before,” IP argued, referring to a rattlesnake we woke up on the Colorado-Utah border in October 2004. “I didn’t hear that rattle, and I barely saw the snake,” I said (this snake also gave us adequate warning and it had also struck me as kind of comical—it had fallen out of a bush in a daze like a member of the Three Stooges).

After ending the day at Goblin Valley, we headed towards Capitol Reef National Monument.

Capitol Reef National Monument (No hike in particular)

I can’t say much about Capitol Reef. It was at the end of our vacation and, to be honest, a bit boring in presentation. I had a hard time understanding what I was looking at, and I was exhausted from the vacation. We wandered about, half-heartedly planned a hike for the next morning (our last vacation day), had dinner. We then went to bed, a four mile hike on tap for the next day.

Scene: Six in the morning, mid-August, Utah. A couple stirs in bed.

IP: Honey?

Me: Mmmphhmmpphhh.

IP: I don’t really feel like hiking today.

Me: Mmmmppphhhhmmmppphhh.

IP: (Snore)

Me: (Snore)

So Capitol Reef didn’t work out too well for us.

And that concludes my summary of our vacation out to Utah’s wonderful national and state parks. I think I’ve gotten over my snake fear (being in Maryland, where there is only one venomous, rarely seen snake helps) and am ready for whatever we tackle next year. I vote either Mexico or the Pacific Northwest.