Maybe We Can Go to a Swingin’ Church to Celebrate!*

The alternative title could have been: “Let me guess: It’s your birthday.” 

A very happy 33rd birthday to my big brother A, who is probably the best big brother anyone could ever have.  I’d like to take this moment to reminisce on some classic Big Brother A-WordNerd memories (and to apologize for a few):

• Breaking Dad’s camera by accident on your 11th or 12th birthday, prompting the mother of all explosions.  Sorry for ruining your birthday, A. :(
• Vomiting guacamole a la WordNerd onto you when we were kids; I really didn’t know that climbing the door jams would upset my stomach so.
• Selling you out on Christmas Eve by telling Mom and Dad that it had been all your idea to open one present on Christmas Eve (Kid Niki is what you wanted to open, if I recall correctly; I wanted to open the newest addition to my massive Barbie collection).  It was both of our ideas, I can admit that now.
• Redeeming myself by admitting to Dad that it was me, in fact, who had flushed the empty toilet paper roll down the toilet and not you, like he automatically supposed.
• Moving onto funnier stuff, me believing you when you said that ravioli was stuffed with snake meat.  To this day, I have a bit of trouble eating ravioli stuffed with meat.
• You and me playing Monkey in the Middle with Dorkus and her Popple, and you accidentally ripping off Pancake the Popple’s tail.  You were mortified, I laughed my head off (because I didn’t like Dorkus then).
• You coming in to tell me, amazed, that Mathgeek had failed to get mad at you because you had accidentally broken his toy lawn mower (as you were trying to modify it with a fake blade, per his request).  You told me Mathgeek paused, furrowed his brow, then declared “I love it!”  The relief you felt must has been tremendous.
• You asking me to dance when Mom finally let me go to a dance in Mexico, but me not knowing any of the moves (which were ridiculously simply; my coordination wasn’t the greatest then).  That was sweet of you, even as I demonstrated to the world that I was nowhere near as cool as you (as the kids say these days, natch).
• You and I saving and scrimping to buy our Nintendo Entertainment System, which we finally did with the help of another $25 from Dad (which he protested vociferously until we annoyed the hell out of him with our begging, I remember).  Triumph comes to the WordNerdia kids!
• You getting me into Mystery Science Theatre 3000, Star Trek, Star Wars and zombies (the last one’s the most recent, and still holds, so you’re still an influence).  The only one where you failed was Lord of the Rings because.  it’s. so. fucking. boring.

And so many more memories that would fill up this blog.  With many more to come, especially when we band together to save our entire family from the impending zombie invasion.  I’m stocking up my ammo, A—I know you are, too.

*From the aforementioned Mystery Science Theatre 3000, specifically Episode 507, I Accuse My Parents.  Let’s go to Happy Chef’s diner for your birthday dinner; however, we might find a toenail in your burger.  Let’s also have two champagne cocktails each, served in one of them big slurpee glasses, too.