In Couple-y News . . .

As I mentioned in yesterday’s post, I was in Michigan for the weekend. Part of the reason for the visit was to be with my family, especially after the death of my grandmother last month. Another reason for my visit was to let my parents know that IP and I had taken a big step and had moved in together.

Surprise, Internets.

The decision was made a few months ago, on October 31. Some back story: IP and I had been considering this move for quite a while and had looked at other apartments before we found our current home. We had discussed living together seriously, knowing it was a step we both wanted to take before we got married. In October, after asking to see a two-bedroom apartment in IP’s building, we were told that the apartment was already taken but that another one might be on the market in May 2008. Given that we weren’t going to wait that long (IP was on a month-to-month lease at this point, my lease was up at the end of January), we thanked the owner but continued our search. A few days later, the owner contacted us again to let us know that the prospective tenant had backed out—would we still be interested in seeing the apartment? We saw the apartment on October 30 and agonized that night. IP had to give notice the next day if we were to take the place. We knew we were going to make the decision to move in together final at some point, but we had no idea our time frame to make that decision would be so truncated. Given the ease of our move (up two flights of stairs for him, less than a mile for me), the low cost of the apartment (for signing a longer lease we were given a reduced rent), and the apartment itself (quiet, sunny and big enough so that we each have our own space), IP and I went for it. We signed the lease, moved IP in November and moved me in January. We settled into our new home together, purchasing the required rugs and installing window fans (heat rises, yo), setting up our now combined furniture and sharing upkeep. It’s been a pretty smooth transition—I even find myself cooking on occasion. Who’d’ve thunk it?

However, the task of telling my parents this remained. I was worried—would my father give me the silent treatment? Would my mother clutch a rosary and declare me used chattel? Realistically I knew they would be fine and I didn’t dread telling them. Was I nervous? Hell yes! Was I going to hide it? Hell no, I’m nearing 30 and don’t have time for that crap. Besides, the kicker was this: IP’s always said that an engagement ring was coming as soon as he procured a permanent position. We knew we were going to do this marriage thing and wanted to live together beforehand; economically and emotionally it made sense to us. Would my parents see it this way? IP asked if an engagement ring now might curtail disapproval. I dismissed that, wanting to receive the ring in a relaxed manner, knowing that a ring might not even please my parents. I decided to sally forth and tell them sans ring and in person. I had thought about doing it over the phone, but circumstances and the need to speak to them directly prevailed.

They surprised me. While Dad gave me the caution that he could neither approve nor disapprove (he didn’t want blame or to give me an “I told you so” should IP and I break up), he did recognize that this was my decision to make and that he would still be there for me. Mom interjected that IP is a wonderful man and that she can clearly tell how much he loves me by the way he looks at me—and he loves her food, so he’s golden (okay, that second part I added, but it’s true). I asked them to visit as soon as possible so that they could see what kind of place IP and I have, and the everyday that we go through that involves the more mundane aspects of life that we’ll share once we’re married. The day then continued on a normal and calm course until I had to leave for the airport. I was very happy that I told them both (when I was younger I would have information conveyed to my dad through my mom which always led to problems) and had been able to do the telling without confrontation or anger. I’m sure they’re still getting used to the idea but are making an effort to understand it and support us.

As for IP and me, we’re enjoying our new home and the new place where we’re at in our nearly six ye—I mean, seven months’ old relationship. We’ll continue to put the finishing touches on our new home and learn to be together as a family. Yes, family. Like I said to IP when we were making our final decision about moving in together: it’s not about the romance but creating a new space for us as a new family since that’s what he and I really are now.