My Main Concern Is that Michigan Looks Kind of Skinny

I found this particularly hilarious:

I find it hilarious in this context: I have a friend from high school who is not the brightest crayon in the box and has never shown any inclination towards intellectual curiosity or personal development. I once stayed up until three o’clock in the morning arguing with her that, indeed, the United States invaded and took over half of Mexico’s territory in the 1840s. She simply refused to believe that it had happened – to her, the United States had always been as it is, in its entirety, and any claim to prior ownership was completely of my own invention. It is in this context that I imagine Americans getting infuriated by this Absolut Vodka advertisement (intended, of course, for Mexican audiences): they simply don’t believe that Mexico was ever that large (and yes, I know the borders are exaggerated in this image) or that the principle places where Mexican-Americans (of all generations) and undocumented Mexicans live were ever in the hands of Mexico. It is my belief that it offends their sensibilities thusly: they were here first, damnit, and Mexico is invading now. The reverse is true, as I said in my movie review last weekend: besides the Native Americans, Mexicans have been in the American Southwest the longest, and no amount of protesting or pouring Absolut Vodka down the kitchen drain (for shame! You don’t waste alcohol!) will change that. It’s a fact.

So I have to say I find this funny given the fury (with the exception of Texas being included – I think you can keep that, dear U.S., as we don’t want to claim W). Seeing the U.S. poked at can be a tickler. However, I will concede that this is an “Absolut World” ideal for many Mexicans. I had wonderful history teachers in Mexico who taught me enthusiasm for the past and the love for things lost, from land ceded to the U.S. to the works of indigenous art (literary and scientific) destroyed by the Spanish. And I only had three years of that. Imagine the typical Mexican kid, going through 12 years of that nostalgia. The idea of Manifest Destiny that was started by Americans marrying the daughters of rich Tejanos encroached upon Mexico’s territory in a self-righteous move that echoes 160 years later in Mexican classrooms. Bottom line is that Mexicans feel continuously screwed and the primary reason is this: the U.S. of the 1840s seemed to believe it was entitled to the land, that it was God-given; and now that the U.S. uses Mexican labor to work that land, the country turns around and tries to persecute those who make the fruit on American tables possible.

Yeah, some Mexicans may look at the map with a dreamy smile and say, yep, in an absolutely perfect world this would still be a true rendering of the political boundaries, wherein the territories were still in Mexico’s possession and the danger, abuse, racism, and humiliation of the current situation were non-existent. This doesn’t mean Mexico or Mexicans intend to act on it, obvs. Rest assured that Mexico isn’t trying to reclaim its lost territory. But I do think this map and the reaction it’s received perfectly highlights American fears about this particular other. A lack of historical knowledge coupled with a perceived already-occurring “takeover” of the American Southwest fuels the fear and prompts the vodka spilling. I address this to those vodka spillers: like I said, Mexico and Mexicans have been here for a long, long time and that’s not changing anytime soon. The new lines have been drawn and believe us, we accept it; however, can you please treat us like human beings equal to you, not just icky brown people trying to take over your land? Can you please acknowledge the reality of a situation that involves people on both sides of the balance of power, and realize that we’re not trying to cheat you out of anything? That like you, we want to survive and thrive and get along with our neighbors? The aim is not to extend Mexican territory northward, and the aim is not to do so by “invading” the American Southwest – the aim is to seek out opportunities with you in cooperation and friendship.

Now stop spilling the vodka. You’re seriously pissing me off with that particular move.