Sonnet 87

I just ordered a high school friend a BABYBJÖRN Baby Carrier for her shower on Sunday — I can’t make it even though I live (comparatively) nearby. As I clicked the button to submit the order, I felt an irrational surge of irritation, annoyed that I was, once again, spending money on a friend’s life event. Don’t get me wrong — congrats on the baby, S, congrats to all HS friends who’ve had kids already. However, I still said this to myself:

“Self, I’m really getting sick of always being the buyer on the registry end! When the hell am I going to get to even think about having a registry!? And I’m not talking a baby registry — I just think it’s damn near time for me to be the center of attention!”

The transaction went through but the irrational thoughts remain. Such as: Friends and family alike better pony up and match the nice gifts I’ve given throughout the years. This: They’d better goddamn come to my goddamn wedding and goddamn like it when I don’t have a dance floor because I am not a dancing fool. And: Nobody from Michigan better wear jeans because I will kill them dead at the altar.

Hmm. I think I need more beer tonight.

(What makes this even more irrational is that I don’t even want a wedding registry!)