Comments on: The Atheist Bride and Her Mother: Joy Unparalled

By: WordNerd

WordNerd — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 16:41:57 +0000

Les — thanks for the good luck wishes. I think that this was the first and last discussion on the topic. Mom was quick to react here, but she respects our decisions on how to conduct the wedding. I think this was a knee-jerk reaction, but she understands that this is what we want.

Roe — thanks for your input, but that’s not the type of relationship I have with my mom. I would never kick her out of anywhere. As I said above, the reaction was knee-jerk and I don’t anticipate that this will be a big deal as we proceed with our plans.

By: Roe

Roe — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 16:24:46 +0000

Have you sent a letter to the Catholic church signifying your desire to remove yourself from said religion?

If you bend your words to suit your mother then you will never get what you are after in term of her respect. In the situation above I would have probably handled it a bit differently. When told I was not an atheist I would have responded kindly, “Yes in fact I am an atheist mother and if that or any other aspect of this bothers you then I’d appreciate it if you stayed silent or waited outside” I know that with my mother this would most likely result in her being “hurt” and not talking to me for a while.

Stand up for your beliefs or your mother will continue to tread on them.

By: Les

Les — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 16:23:57 +0000

I have to admit that reading this makes me appreciate my in-laws that much more. Despite being religious themselves they accepted me and my atheism with open arms. My wife and I had a secular ceremony as well and no one from my family or hers had any criticism of it.

Good luck with the wedding!

By: WordNerd

WordNerd — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 14:03:41 +0000

IP — agreed. I wasn’t thrilled with the coordinator trying to delve into ceremony specifics when I just asked her about the flow, but at the moment I was tuning out family members and just giving the facts. I think the coordinator was trying to sell the place by demonstrating that she had a lot of contacts within the industry and could hook us up with the person who could provide us with the best ceremony. I was kind of thinking the same thing — give me a name that’ll do what we want and not inject personal views into it. So you can say I fanned the flames, but all in the interest in getting some kind of information (which I haven’t been very successful at finding online).

Yeah, I think it says a lot about Mom — obvs this doesn’t change the fact that I love her to bits, but I’m at the point where raising an eyebrow, giving a funny look, then doing what I want is what happens.

I *hate* SEJ!

By: IP

IP — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 13:41:33 +0000

We talked about this last night, and the only thing I’d add is that people like your mom may hear a big difference between “non-religious” and “atheist” – with one sounding a lot worse than the other. “Non-religious” could mean a bunch of things: agnostic, secular humanist, never thought about it. “Atheist” conjures images of Richard Dawkins. Either way, I do not understand why the wedding coordinator continued to ask about your religious affiliation after you said you wanted a non-religious ceremony. She had her answer. My inclination is to use the word “non-religious” and to keep repeating it over and again; whatever religion you and I happen to have been raised as children is irrelevant and will not even be mentioned.

And Wordnerd, you may think you don’t like it when I proposition you as SEJ, but you do. :) I think your mom presuming to know your innermost beliefs is a lot about her and very little about you.