Wrong Number

When IP and I moved in together, Verizon told us that no, we could not carry over IP’s old phone number (considering we’re in the same goddamn building, I don’t know why not, but it is fucking Verizon we’re talking about here); we were forced to get a new number. A new number that someone had (very obviously) recently disconnected.

Thus ensued more than a few months of people asking for Raquel Lopez (fakey, fakey, fakey name). Every single goddamn day seemed to be another call for Raquel: the vet, her doctor, her friends, her debt collectors, her local representative trying to get re-elected. We patiently told people that they had the wrong number, and to please take us off of their lists if applicable. During this, an image of Raquel began to form for us: older, sort of a hippie, kind of a space cadet, doesn’t really do well with this whole adult-pay-your-bills thing even though she’s nearing retirement age. The calls seemed to peter out after a while, and we got to the point where phone calls were for us eight times out of 10.

No more, however. As election season has dragged on (boy, how it’s dragging!) the calls have started again. Raquel is a staunch Democrat (and highly prolific in acquiring debt, it seems)—we’ve received many calls asking Raquel to volunteer her time to the Obama campaign. Calls were starting to come in at 8:30am on the weekends—and if you know IP and me, you know we are not up and about at 8:30am on weekends. After a marked increase in the volume of calls for Raquel, we finally searched for her online and located two email addresses, two phone numbers, and her home address. IP contacted her last weekend.

Raquel claims to no longer know the number, let alone give it out, which I found this extremely unlikely as the Obama calls started pretty late in this election game (whenever I donate, I submit our phone number off one digit in order to avoid said calls); I have a feeing Raquel’s been giving away her old number in order to avoid the umpteen calls we’ve been receiving by default. If anything, she hasn’t taken the trouble to update her friends and business contacts. Additionally, she found it “disconcerting” that we would be able to find her information online. To that I answer:

Google. It works.

IP communicated to Raquel that he would be passing along the numbers that he had for her to the callers (debt collection agencies included); Raquel could do nothing but agree. She acknowledged that it was probably very frustrating, but it goes beyond that for me—it’s infuriating, especially when I inform a caller that they have the wrong number and they insist that it’s correct.

Last night we received two calls in a row from the same Democratic group asking for Raquel. I initially informed them that she was no longer at this number and asked to be removed from their list; the gentleman on the other line informed me that Raquel had provided this number, so he must be right. I said nope, he was wrong, please remove us. Promising to do so, the gentleman hung up. Ten minutes later as IP and I are talking they call again. IP answers, informing the group that they just called and we told them that Raquel is not at this number. IP offers to pass along her information, logging into his mail account as his does so. While he’s doing this, I realize my BlackBerry is buzzing; I check my email to see a forwarded email from IP regarding the whole Raquel debacle.

In recent weeks, Raquel’s lost her dog twice. Two times people have called to report that they’ve found the dog (so obviously she hasn’t changed her dog’s tags). The most recent incident was Monday morning, with the dog’s hero calling at 8:30am (grrr!). IP, after unsuccessfully trying to give Raquel’s number to the caller, emails Raquel to ask her if she’s lost her dog and to let her know her dog has been found. Raquel writes back and informs IP that she’s out of state and has a dog sitter watching her dog—the dog should be at home asleep, safe and sound. She will check the tags, though. The tone of her email is kind of panicky at this point—the dog sitter isn’t doing much of a good job.

IP’s only comment in his email to me?

Hilarious.