Ozzy Osbourne Gave Us $5 Million
Or at least he did in my dream. Because of forces beyond our control (read: parents), IP and I have begrudgingly started a new wedding registry at Target. And because I was once a baker, I found myself drawn to the ubiquitous KitchenAid mixer, the Calaphon baking set, and the Pyrex Prepware 13 piece set (sue me: I like to bake and if I were able to resist my own delights better and had a bigger kitchen, I’d totally do it all the time). When sending the registry to IP for review, addition and culling, I first deleted all of the above mentioned things in the interest of following our own declared preferences: no small appliances since we are simply inundated with them, no duplicates, no encouragement to get us too many housewares that we don’t need. After some discussion and editing, the registry was posted on our wedding website and we await with un-bated breath to see if anyone will bite. Honestly? We hope not; we’re hoping most people opt for gift cards (if they feel the desire to gift us at all) so that neither they nor we have to worry about it much).
The discussion of the registry prompted one memorable dream last night. I arrived at my parents’ house to get ready for the wedding (for some reason, we were marrying in my parents’ foyer—odd) and was greeted by piles and piles of heart-shaped cookie cutters and measuring cups on their landing leading to the bedrooms. I couldn’t get past, there were so many of them! “The hell?” I asked my mother. “That’s what happens when you don’t have a registry,” she scolded. “But we do have one,” I answered, confused. “There wasn’t enough on it,” she concluded.
Rolling my eyes, I went into one of the bedrooms where I knew IP was staying. He was sitting on the bed, a bit in awe, a smile on his face. “Did you see all the heart-shape crap we got? How are we supposed to get that home?” I asked, wondering how I was going to get down the stairs with all the gifts in the way without knocking everything over with my train. He nodded, a slight smile still on his face. “What?” I asked.
“I ran into Ozzy Osbourne on my way over here,” IP answered, and in the dream I knew it wasn’t an unusual occurrence since our families were friends. “He gave us a wedding gift.”
“More heart-shaped measuring spoons, cups and cookie cutters?” I asked.
“No. He gave us. Five. Millions. Dollars,” IP answered, his grin getting wider with each word.
I remember gasping in the dream. “And we’re accepting it?” I whispered. (Note to readers: money issues are another dilemma we are facing; we could get a lot and we don’t want it.)
IP nodded, saying, “Ozzy’s a good guy—he’s doing it because he likes us, not to hold it over our heads.”
I squealed in delight. IP started laughing. We were both astounded by generous gift given to us by the Prince of Darkness himself. I then woke up, hearing someone chipping away at the icy walks outside our bedroom.
I told IP about the dream this morning, whereupon he began to speculate if $5 million would be enough for us to live on for the rest of our lives. Investing it properly, it probably would be since we’re not much for changing our standard of living when more money comes in (as evidenced by our increase in paychecks since moving to D.C.).
IP also loves to analyze my dreams because he says they’re so easy to take apart—the gifts in the dream obviously came from our registry discussions yesterday; the heart-shaped gifts are a nod to my current measuring spoons and cups, which are actually heart-shaped; the Ozzy mention came from the fact that I went to sleep humming “Total Eclipse of the Heart”, a tune that IP somehow mistook for “Iron Man”. Over the past few days, my dreams have been pretty vivid and quite easy to figure out—hence IP instantly analyzing last night’s dream in two seconds. I have to admit I had totally forgotten about IP’s Black Sabbath mention the night before, but my subconscious sure didn’t.
Ah, if only some celebrity would unselfishly gift us $5 million. It would absolutely assure the future of mankind. Really.
No, really!
