The Familial Politics of Wedding Planning, Part I

The first in no doubt a series of complaints about weddings and families . . .

I’m currently in Michigan, getting many, many things done in preparation for the wedding.  Among the big things to do was to find bridesmaid dresses for my sister and my friend—consider that done.  Yay!  They were able to find styles they liked in the colors I wanted at reasonable prices.  Woot.

IP’s mother joined us in the shopping, flying to Michigan to do so.  I wanted to try to involve her in some way, and I hope this has been fun for her.

Unfortunately, I now have the mothers talking about the wedding invitations.  My mother, in predictable fashion, started harping on and on about my cousins.  About how if my uncles couldn’t come, why not my cousins?  And because I am not very good at censoring myself when it comes to the cousin dispute, I very patiently explained—with an aside to IP’s mom that I don’t even know my cousins—that IP and I had some friends we’d like to invite but who are currently on the B list.  Openings would go first to people we really, really wanted there.  I joked that if only 50 people in total RSVP’d to our wedding that I’d open up the wedding to the cousins, but that for now, I couldn’t say yes.  I just wish my mother would not bring that up at every goddamn opportunity.  She gave me her patented pissed off look, but really, why bring that up in front of company?  No doubt looking for a situation in which to corner me (and probably hoping for a vocal ally, something she did not get), my mom was trying to force me into saying yes, I’d invite them.  My mom should know me better, though.  I’m not one to put aside family tensions when in polite company—I hate when she tries to manipulate me into saying yes.  So my inner bitch emerges.  When do I ever say yes to the cousins?  Why would my answer change in front of company?  And I had told her we’d consider them after our friends months ago and she seemed happy with that then—why must she bring it up once more?  GAH!  

 

For the most part, my family’s been pretty hands off about the whole wedding, but when it comes to invites, my mother is driving me insane.  Why can’t she understand that I cannot invite all of my 30 cousins to the wedding?  Why can’t she understand that I want people there who actually give a shit about us, and who aren’t there to just eat off of my dime?  Why can’t she understand that I will take the cousins on a case-by-case basis?  I really don’t know my cousins and am really annoyed by them inviting themselves to my wedding via conversation with her.  That is so fucking rude.  I hate how the word “wedding” makes everyone assume that they’re invited.  Wait until they have to plan one of these shindigs.

IP was asking me if everything was okay when I spoke to him earlier tonight, and everything is.  I just wish we didn’t have to have the same invitation discussions over and over again.  I cannot help it—I get sucked in when my mother brings it up, even if it is in front of company.  I’m not into the whole big Mexican family deal like she pretends to be—and seriously, this is a woman who rarely visits her family, a woman whose family has never visited her in Michigan.  You may be saying that it is then reasonable to assume that my family would continue the pattern and not come even if invited, but my mother knows how to needle me on this.  I admit that.  She’s good at raising my hackles on this because I let her.  But dammit, woman, why must you be so persistent?  I’ve given you my final verdict.  IP and I are the ones who are paying $50/head.  We deserve to have people there who we know and like.

The familial politics of wedding planning suck.