Last Night I Had the Strangest Dream I’d Ever Dreamed Before*

Everyone who reads this blog knows I have strange dreams. From talking five-month-old baby boys to Voldemort bringing about Armageddon, I’ve posted it all. Last night’s was horrifying and funny.

I dreamed my husband and I were having a great time (ahem) and that I had to leave for some sort of work; the passage of time was indicated and I was somehow at home again, greeting IP with a kiss. It was then that he confessed this to me: after I’d left for work, he’d gone and slept with my former friend.

What the what!?

She was apparently staying with us for some undetermined amount of time, and IP had decided to relieve the sexual tension between them by sleeping with her. I was aghast and angry—I mean, WTF? He knows how I feel about her, we’re newlyweds, and he’s never indicated he was attracted to her! I promptly told him that we were kicking her out of the apartment. He protested, saying that it wouldn’t happen again and, besides, she had paid rent. “Bull!” I spat out. “I just paid the entire rent for this month, she didn’t contribute a cent.  She’s out of here—and we’re turning her room into a nursery!”

So apparently I was going to stay with IP and was going to get him to knock me up immediately even after his cheating. Okay, then!

I then snapped at IP to get ready, that we had to meet his parents to finalize the details of our Jewish wedding ceremony. Again, WTF? Apparently our wedding this summer was just a trial run, and the “real” wedding was coming up this next summer. We were meeting his parents at a nearby synagogue to speak to the rabbi. Still furious, I left IP to find his own way there (did I mention he had a broken leg?) and proceeded to climb to the synagogue, which happened to be on the top of some kind of weird structure. I’m pulling myself up this structure, amazed at my new-found upper body strength: I was kicking ass on this climb!  I was still furious, though, and I think the adrenaline from my anger was helping me with the climb. Still, quite a workout.

I meet up with IP’s parents and he is nowhere in sight. I’m making small talk with them, and they then introduce me to their granddaughter (who doesn’t exist, I might add). She’s cute and smiling at me, and I’m wondering which of IP’s brothers is the father—all I know is that the baby is Hispanic/Latina and she’s not mine. We’re making wedding plans, but in the back of my mind I’m making plans to kick out my ex-friend and also wondering how to decorate the nursery.

I told IP the dream and he laughed, asking why I was always dreaming about our marriage imploding (I’ve had one other dream where IP told me he was divorcing me to study basket weaving in Ethiopia). To be honest, I don’t know—I know we’re pretty damn happy four months in, so the dreams are strange. I think my problem is that I’ve been reading the Nest’s Trouble in Paradise boards way too much—some of the posts on there are forehead-slappingly bad, and the responses make me choke on my drink from laughter (thanks to the snark that the regulars fire at each other, I should add, not the ones with problems). My subconscious is obviously absorbing the stories, though, so I probably need to stop lurking there.

Oh, my. Before that, I was dreaming about our apartment being haunted by a malevolent spirit. My subconscious needs to take the night off tonight.

*Simon & Garfunkel, “Last Night I Had the Strangest Dream”