Comments on: To the People Doing “Sorry I Can’t Invite You to Our Wedding Letter” Searches

By: Sonnet 87 » An Open Letter to My Cousins

Sonnet 87 » An Open Letter to My Cousins — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 18:01:55 +0000

[...] Editor’s Note: To those who are actually thinking about writing and sending a letter like this to people who think they’re invited: DON’T. Read this here. [...]

By: WordNerd

WordNerd — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 02:23:19 +0000

RR: Agreed. The first example that springs to mind is a case where the ceremony will be family only and the reception either non-existent or just for the family. I think most couples in that situation would realize an explanation is in order, and do it in person or, at the very least, over the phone. Writing, even in a hand-written letter, strikes me as impersonal and distant.

In my experience, those asking, “I’m invited, right?” are usually co-workers, extended family members you haven’t heard from (say, for 19 years or so), or acquaintances who you share happy hours with but no more. It’s extremely awkward. Very happy to be beyond that.

By: restaurant refugee

restaurant refugee — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 22:44:48 +0000

It is rare that people who make a choice of that which they think polite over its alternative have erred. This would be one of those occasions.

I would, however, add this caveat: if there is a person who has a logical reason to believe that s/he should be invited but will not be, it would be rude to force them into asking the question.

By: WordNerd

WordNerd — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 20:41:13 +0000

I try to be fair because you do have to balance the couple against the guests against the family against the un-invitees. The world would be a better place if people didn’t assume, but as we both learned last year this isn’t in people’s natures. Weddings can bring out various kinds of ‘zillas in everyone.

By: IP

IP — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 20:24:18 +0000

Generally I like your advice here because it recognizes both the needs of brides and the wanna-be invitees.

By: WordNerd

WordNerd — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 19:24:59 +0000

Yeah, but in that case, it was just Gerald Ford who bit it; I want to avoid a zombie apocalypse in this instance. ;)

By: IP

IP — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 19:08:27 +0000

That sounds like Richard Nixon’s corpse climbing out of his grave in Yorba Linda, CA and strangling Gerald Ford to death.