I Can Haz Baby Fever? No, Actually.

Baby fever apparently is:

1. Hunting down friends’ baby pictures on Facebook
2. Plotting to stop taking birth control . . . without your husband’s knowledge because you say you’re “secretly” going to stop taking it
3. Allocating space for baby’s belongings
4. Bookmarking websites for the things (i.e., clothes, furniture, cute stuff) the baby will need
5. Researching cloth diapers versus disposables
6. Deciding what color the kid’s room will be
7. Actually buying baby clothes and storing them away until they’re needed

Then yeah—I don’t have it.

What struck me about this post (on a board I lurk on) was how superficial it was. It was all about the material things that babies need or the spaces they will inhabit, instead of the idea of raising a child for 18 years. Sure, the cute poofy-cheeked goodness stage is awesome, but then they’re toddlers, and then kiddies, and then tweens, and then teens and then, good lord, you have to pay for college. For one or more people.

I admit to squealing at poofy-cheeked goodness—it can’t be helped because we’re wired to squeal at said goodness. I will sometimes demand that IP give me a baby RIGHT NOW because of their adorable antics. I read MO Mommy and Mila’s Daydreams because, holy hell, cute babies. I enjoy MO Mommy and Dooce a lot because, holy hell, not just cute babies, but actual musings on how difficult it is to parent. Beyond thinking babies are cute, the idea of parenting (read: not just focusing on what you will buy for Junior) weighs heavily on my mind, weighs tremendously on IP’s mind. We are scared, y’all. We want to be good parents, and we both have histories that make us worry that we could really, really suck as parents. We also have people in our lives whose reaction to any kids we might have worries us. In thinking about procreating, we’re not just concerned with what type of rocking chair to get for those sleepless nights, but what type of person we’re raising and whether we’ll do it right of if they’ll hate us and if they’ll be productive, well-adjusted members of society. Because neither IP nor I considered ourselves particularly well-adjusted. Different factors made us not so well-adjusted, but we were both late bloomers, and with late blooming comes insecurity that we’re not bloomed enough to be parents.

Does that make sense?

I hope everyone on that board who’s stashing away links and clothes and paint colors for baby realizes that they’re going to be raising a human being—the kid won’t stay nine months old forever, you know? I really hope they’ve talked about the biggies: religion, grandparents, how to handle schools, socialization, balancing home with the overabundance of extracurricular activities, discipline and engagement (will you actually talk to your child and allow him/her to express themselves reasonably, or will you parent only when needed?). I find it frustrating to see them conflate the desire to have cute baby things with the task of raising a person—they’re two totally different things in my mind and they don’t seem to realize it. Is it cliché to scream, “Won’t somebody please think to the children!”? Because I really want them to think of the children, the people, they’ll be raising, not the cute baby stage because, honestly, it all ain’t cute. They try to discuss more serious things on the board—why not discuss the perceived difficulties of being a parent and how you and your spouse have decided to proceed? That’d be a lot more helpful and interesting and thought-provoking than saying Etsy has some really cute baby stuff.

Bottom line: I feel like they approach parenting like they did wedding planning. They make the decision seem so easy.