March 31, 2011: Nine Years Ago Today

©2012 Sonnet 87. All Rights Reserved. Originally published by WordNerd for Sonnet87.com. This post cannot be republished without express written permission.

Or celebrate each other in order to help ease a tough week? This post was written as a way to get my husband to smile during a week when there wasn’t much to smile about. Those things were nifty then and they’re nifty now.

June 15, 2010: Nifty Things about My Husband

©2012 Sonnet 87. All Rights Reserved. Originally published by WordNerd for Sonnet87.com. This post cannot be republished without express written permission.

Mathgeek has told me that this is one his all-time favorite posts here at Sonnet 87. I have to admit: I have a soft spot for it, too.

June 2, 2009: IP’s Ginger Ail

©2012 Sonnet 87. All Rights Reserved. Originally published by WordNerd for Sonnet87.com. This post cannot be republished without express written permission.

We’ve always been proud of going our own way, and wedding planning and day-of behavior was no exception. If we hated a tradition and didn’t want to do it or turn it on its head, we did, as illustrated in this response to the damn wine glass clinking at weddings.

October 3, 2009: I Don’t Kiss on Command

©2012 Sonnet 87. All Rights Reserved. Originally published by WordNerd for Sonnet87.com. This post cannot be republished without express written permission.

In case you missed IP’s proposal to me in 2008, it’s the first highlight in the This Is Us Now week. How romantic can a man who says he’s as romantic as the federal budget cycle be? Pretty damn romantic, it turns out.

July 27, 2008: Engaged, ¡En Fuego! Style

©2012 Sonnet 87. All Rights Reserved. Originally published by WordNerd for Sonnet87.com. This post cannot be republished without express written permission.

Yet here we are, sitting pretty in May. May Day, May the Fourth (be with you) and Cinco de Mayo have all passed; next we have Mother’s Day, Memorial Day and Paul Simon in D.C. Day (aka, my birthday) coming up.

Amongst all that, though, is the long-awaited return to Cancún that IP and I have been planning since we got back from Cancún last year. We’re heading out this weekend to those beautiful blue Caribbean waters, unlimited alcohol, awesome food, great tours and vacation sex.

I’ve been leaving you bereft, however, of substantive posts since work has been insane and I haven’t had the motivation or even subjects on which to write. But leave you bereft for this coming week I will not—you’ll be getting some remember when posts, a la last April and June.

(And yes, I know I just committed the D.C. Blogs cardinal sin of explaining and apologizing for my lack of posts—whatevs. I know there are [a few, granted, but they’re there] people who read me and have been clicking through regularly to see what’s up and have found nada.)

The subject this time around? IP and me engaged and married—call the upcoming week “This Is Us Now,” if you will. I did a “Before You Knew D.C. Me” which also included snapshots of IP back in the day; this time around it’s a collection of the best posts of us as us these days—serious, silly, contemplative, encouraging and loving.

Have a great week and enjoy the trip down (recent) memory lane starting Monday morn.

©2012 Sonnet 87. All Rights Reserved. Originally published by WordNerd for Sonnet87.com. This post cannot be republished without express written permission.

At least Cancún is on the horizon.

So, how about some random thoughts, hmm?

• When I left work on Friday, the entire agency seemed to be holding its breath. The whole day was like that; many people were missing because they were either heading to the airport for a conference (from which they may have had to turn back on Saturday morning had the shutdown happened) and the rest of the occupied offices held tense federal employees intent on keeping their heads down. As I left, I said to my boss, “This seems like the last day of high school. Sign my yearbook?” That made him burst out laughing.
• Because I’m so proud of my 2011 Cherry Blossom 10 Mile Run accomplishment, I ordered a finisher’s medal (at $15 a pop) to add to my collection (which only holds the 2006 New York City Marathon finisher’s medal because the 2005 Nike Women’s Half-Marathon Tiffany necklace didn’t last long). It’s a bit silly to order it after the fact, but it looked cool and I decided I might as well have a marker of my accomplishment (since I’m hesitant to pay for the race photos because they’re just so damn pricey). I won’t know if I’ll actually get one until April 18, but the email from the organizers said it was likely. Woohoo! (At least I have the technical tee already, though.) Onto hoping that I get in for next year . . .
• Everyone was focused on my right eye on Friday. It had been bothering me a bit on Thursday night (the contact kept on getting blurry), but I thought nothing of it. I didn’t feel anything, either, when I popped the contact in on Friday. But nearly of all my coworkers asked me what the hell was wrong with my eye. I finally went to the bathroom to look and HOLY HELL! My right eye looked like it had been infected with the Rage virus from 28 Days/Weeks Later.

This was me, minus the whole deadly virus thing

I ended up taking my contacts out (lucky that I carry my extra pair of glasses with me) and my eyes has slowly but surely started to calm down (so hopefully my throat won’t be ripped out when IP gives me a kiss and is promptly infected with the virus).

• When it comes to feeling lucky, I experience the sensation in spades thanks to my marriage and friendship with IP; however, I get positively geeked when IP and I discuss and dissect books that we’ve both read. When growing up, I always thought it’d be hard to find someone who understood and embraced my personality quirks, my need for alone time, my sometimes jabbering talk, my weird and sarcastic humor, and my absolute fixation on reading. When I met IP, I was happy (and a bit surprised given his focus in grad school) to discover that he was as enthralled by words and books as I was. These days, we have discussions regularly on books we’ve read, measuring agreement and disagreement and helping each other see new perspectives in the books we’ve read in common. IP in general strikes me as an unusual husband when compared to, say, The Nest’s posters’ husbands; he actually cleans without nagging (if anyone’s guilty about being lax on the cleaning front, it’s yo!), cooks like a talented culinary fiend, never complains if I ask him for a favor, is conscious and considerate of my feelings and emotion, doesn’t take me for granted, and reads books that go beyond your Michael Crichtons and Tom Clancys (not that there’s anything wrong with reading that stuff—I just don’t read it myself, so I can’t discuss it). I am extremely lucky, but I am supremely conscious of it when we have book discussions because it is so much fucking fun. If we couldn’t talk about books, I’d be a sad panda. And hell, just being able to recommend books to each other (and have an awesome library in our living room that’s filled to the brim again even though we did a culling in December)? Oh hells to the yeah!
• Speaking of books, here is something I’m terribly bad at: lending good books. I hate it. It’s partly because a) I’ve lent out books that have never returned to me and 2) I’ve lent out books and they’re returned to me unread (going back to the whole not being able to discuss books with people deal). I like keeping our books together, in alpha order on our bookshelves, singing out my memories of reading them when I pass by. I remember once in a my book club a former member suggested we should bring books to swap, eying me in particular as she said this (I had just finished recommending a few books and was so enthusiastic about them that many of my fellows members expressed interest). While everyone else exclaimed what a great idea this was, I kind of demurred and gave a half-nod, unwilling to give my full endorsement. Why? I don’t like my books getting away from me. Call me stingy and selfish, but I’d rather recommend and they buy. Also, when a swap happens, it seems like there’s unspoken agreement that no, you will never see your book again. And that’s just not acceptable! We never did do a book swap, for which I am grateful. I’d just turn up with the books that IP and I have designated for donation to the local library.

I'm obnoxious, but not obnoxious enough to consider using this

And that’s it for random thoughts on a non-shutdown Monday! You may assume that I am moping at work, wishing I were at home running a few miles.

©2012 Sonnet 87. All Rights Reserved. Originally published by WordNerd for Sonnet87.com. This post cannot be republished without express written permission.

Where was I? Oh yeah.

So anyway, I’m walking behind said dude in the Michigan Union, my eyes narrowed and wondering. He turns the corner, I turn the corner. He leans against a wall, next to a group of girls who are talking around what looks like a registration desk; I lean against the opposite wall, next to the entrance of my now closed favorite coffee shop, Cava Java. Our eyes then meet.

“WordNerd?” the guy in the navy blue knit hat says.

“IP?” I kind of squeak back.

The girls at the registration stare at us, but IP and I just smile at each other, walking off to enjoy our first date. It was short, more of a get to know you kind of thing, but it was fun enough that I said yes when he asked me out again. He left me intrigued and wondering more about the guy in the navy blue knit hat who had a nice smile, made me laugh, and made me feel at ease (even though he says I was extremely quiet that first time, but I remember talking more than I usually do when I meet someone new—he couldn’t know that he was impressing me and bringing me out of my shell). It was such a good beginning that here we are, nine years later, married.

Happy nine years together, IP. According to some, we should’ve experienced an itch two years ago (the year we got married). According to others, itches now come during the third year, so we should be on our third itch by now. According to us, things are pretty damn good right now and we’re looking forward to more and more years of enjoying each other to the fullest, celebrating each others’ triumphs, helping each other grow, and lending the strength and support that’s needed when times are rough. I’m your bridge over troubled water, hon.

Nine years later and we’re still together. After all this time, many things have changed; even we have changed although we started to change together from that day on. There is one other thing, however, that hasn’t changed (and I don’t want it to because it reminds me of our beginnings):

He still wears that navy blue knit hat in the winter.

Note: Not IP

©2012 Sonnet 87. All Rights Reserved. Originally published by WordNerd for Sonnet87.com. This post cannot be republished without express written permission.

And I answer: Caaaaaancúúúúúúúúún!

Cancún!

IP and I are going back to Cancún!

I don’t think we can overemphasize how excited we are for this trip. It’s been nearly a year since our last long vacation (our honeymoon to Cancún) and it is overdue and sorely needed. IP works like crazy and needs a break; I have thoroughly documented how annoyed I am at work and need a break. The getaway is coming just in time.

Hells to the yeah!

We had anticipated going back to our all-inclusive resort of choice because we loved our experience so much the first time—when we selected it for our honeymoon, IP and I were a little ill at ease. Not only was it an expensive vacation (remember: we are used to cheaper hotels, a lot of driving and not-so expensive national parks), but what if we hated the lack of activity? Even though the resort is adults-only, what if it was loud and obnoxious and totally insufferable? Were we dropping a ton of money down the drain to only say “Meh?” when it came to our honeymoon?

Happily enough, we were proven wrong. As documented here, we had a blast. And we had planned on returning first at Christmas but, when that proved to be too expensive, we regrouped and figured we’d be there in April.

But the April dates were expensive to begin with (about $400 to $600 more than last year), and they kept on climbing until it would’ve been foolhardy to go during that time frame (basically the same week we went last year). We did expect to pay more for this year, but not so much more. We were disappointed; while we explored other Cancún resorts, resorts on the Pacific side of Mexico, and the possibility of doing another hiking trip, I think we both desperately wanted to go back to our honeymoon resort. Well, I know I did. I did say to IP that I didn’t find the idea of a hiking trip appealing, so we killed that. I’d be up for it in the late summer/early fall, but for the spring, I had wanted something relaxing.

As prices continued to stay steady and outrageous, IP floated the idea of moving our trip to May. While the rainy season has indeed started by May, nothing in the research we did indicated that we’d completely rained out; customer testimonial after customer testimonial assured us that May indeed was a good time to go. So, we decided: a week in May to the adults-only all-inclusive that we know and love!

However, there was the problem of IP’s passport. Had we booked a trip to Cancún in April, IP would barely be missing that six-month cutoff date; in other words, it wouldn’t have been a problem. However, May brought us to that six-month point, so an expedited passport request it was thanks to the possibility of a government shutdown. We waited with bated breath for IP to show up in the State Department’s system after he sent it in on Friday, March 18. After a week, nothing. He wasn’t in their system.

Eep!

Nervousness ensues until I get home on Friday, March 25. And what’s waiting in the mail for us? IP’s new passport. Yay! Thank you, Secretary Clinton and Friends!

This trip made possible in part by the excellent, quick work of the State Department

So we then say it’s time to book. Ain’t nothing gonna break our strides! Ain’t nothing gonna slow us down! Oh no! We’ve got to get to Cancún!

And on Sunday, we finally made the purchase a reality. (And it was only $16 more than last year!) We will be in Cancún this May, enjoying the Caribbean Sea, drinks on the beach, excellent food, sun, sand and surf. After buying the ticket, we were both giddy, cracking open beers to toast our upcoming vacation. My mood, which had been dampened by repeated cooking failures that day, immediately lifted. We then reminisced for a while about our honeymoon, making some plans for our upcoming trip. We were (and are!) geeeeeeeked.

Geeeeeeeked, I tells ya.

©2012 Sonnet 87. All Rights Reserved. Originally published by WordNerd for Sonnet87.com. This post cannot be republished without express written permission.

A new job (duh) or a new baby.

Hello!

The first escape route is the one I’m going for—I would much rather find something new and stick it to my boss by sweetly saying that, no, there’s nothing they can do to keep me because I feel that our respective visions for my career path diverged some time ago and that I’m looking forward to a new challenge. I would much rather find something new that presents me with the opportunity to challenge my writing and editing pro skills and allows me to grow as a writer and editor. Basically, while the thought of having a company or organization dependent on me for clear, concise writing has always been kind of scary, it’s what I really want to do. And I know I can do it—I just have to not allow fear to stop me. Fear is fine—it can be a great motivator if used properly. And that’s how I want to use it. I have my fingers crossed that something can happen because, honestly, it boils down to this: I feel insulted by the latest developments at work. My pride has been seriously wounded and there’s no way I want to stay around to suffer more ignominious slings and arrows. Staying with the company would be undignified. And if there’s one thing I want to have intact when I leave this life it’s my dignity, in all situations.

It’s time to reassert my dignity. This is no longer about letting inertia have its way; it’s no longer about settling for time to do my own stuff in a less challenging, lackluster job; it’s no longer about the money (I will almost assuredly take a pay cut as I am basically trying to transition my career back onto the editor/writer path). It’s no longer about being afraid.

It really is about holding my head up high at this point and taking a leap. Because this? Is bullshit.

The less preferable option is having a kid as an escape route. While the kid thing hasn’t been decided, what has been decided is that Mommy would be the one to stay home with the kid (even though Daddy would want to stay home—and if I had a position that I loved and made enough money to keep us comfortable [and had good benefits!]—Mommy would encourage this). IP and I are both uncomfortable with leaving a two month old in the hands of a daycare or even a nanny; given IP’s job, we would be comfortable and would probably save money in having me stay home given the costs of daycare and my commute. However, the path is clear: I would not go back to my job.

My job has a history of pressuring new mothers to return quickly to their jobs. While my company’s handbook says that they acknowledge and grant FMLA, I’ve never seen anyone take full advantage of it. Why? Because the VP is harassing new mothers about two weeks after birth to ask for updated timelines (which, to me, screams pressure). No such thing would happen to me—I would make it clear that I would be taking at least a year to be with the baby. They can keep me on a contract basis if they’d like, but no, I would not allow the VP to call me two times a day for updates. I would not expect them to hold my job, I would not equivocate and act as if I would return; the writing would be on the wall and I would not take their pressure tactics to heart. And there would be pressure tactics because the VP cannot help himself.

The thing is, I would have a few months to endure before I would be free. I honestly cannot imagine being pregnant at my current place of work. My identity would immediately revert to “Mom” and I would no longer be seen as WordNerd. I have a feeling that, in a new position, a kid coming along wouldn’t cause the same amount of panic and condescension that happens at my current place of work. I’d have the chance to establish my identity in a different way—I wouldn’t be in a situation where half of the staff is already itching to call me “Mom” every day and tell me they “told [me] so.” Short of staying there forever, there is nothing more miserable that I can imagine.

While the option has popped into our heads, what reassures me that IP and I would be having a kid for the right reason is this: I am not even slightly tempted to sally forth and get pregnant in order to remedy this job situation. I joke about IP knocking me up to get me out of there, but that’s a total and utter no-go because a) I owe more than that to any future kid and 2) IP would never let me do that for our kid’s and my own good. To me, doing so would be along the same lines of trying to save your marriage with kids: destined to fail. I feel like entering motherhood as if I missed the last escape pod from the Mega Maid would just land me on a planet populated not by apes, but by my own negative feelings of having done this for the wrong reasons. And I would hate to unfairly resent myself or my new kid. I fear that it would be leaving one bad situation and creating a new one because it would be an incredibly dumb decision. So then it would be this: “Oh shit, there goes my rationality.”

Spaceballs? Oh shit--there goes the planet.

Now, if we’re motivated to have kids because we really want them and leaving my job is a side effect, fine. I think it would suck, but I could endure the snide coworkers for my kid’s sake. (And I wouldn’t hesitate to put them in their place. And no, they can’t blame hormones because I’ll tell them I’ve been itching to say it to them for years now.) But a kid will never come about because I’m trying to cure my job’s symptoms. Having a kid isn’t a cure. Having a kid would be about consciously adding a new life to our circle  to love and live for, and being equally invested in his/her growth.

The only thing certain about these two escape routes, though? Both have me leaving my job. Both have them losing me (although I recognize that I could lose them, you can rest assured that it’ll be like receiving a get-out-of-jail-free card). Be it us deciding that a kid is in our future or I am lucky enough to hit pay dirt one of these days (or hell, if they decide I’m toast in favor of the newbie), I sincerely hope my days there are numbered.

(ETA on Monday, March 28, 2011: After a great talk with IP on Saturday, the whole baby/work part is kind of irrelevant. There is no relationship between my annoying coworkers and our decision to have kids. And even though I knew it before, I feel better equipped to deal with them after our awesome talk. Thanks, babe.)

©2012 Sonnet 87. All Rights Reserved. Originally published by WordNerd for Sonnet87.com. This post cannot be republished without express written permission.